SCATTERSHOT Blog VS. The Westboro Baptist Church

Back in March, I first actually saw the nutcases from the Westboro Baptist Church live and in person. My wife and I were attending An Evening With Kevin Smith out in Kansas City. Unfortunately for Smith (and us) K.C. Missouri is much too close to Kansas, which is where these vermin hail from.

There were quite a few of them, as I recall, holding their "God Hates America" and "God Hates Fags" signs. They were protesting Smith because of his film DOGMA I guess.

See, that's the first problem I have with these people at the Westboro Baptist Church--their message is so random. It's almost like a child, or someone with a child-like mind, put their whole message together.

For example, they've recently added a sign to their protests that feature a drawing of the Gulf of Mexico with a giant oil blot on it that reads "Gods Wrath" or "Thank God for His Wrath." I don't recall exactly what it says, but the point is this: the BP oil spill is God's way of punishing us.

Yikes. And what is "He" punishing us for? Well the gays of course. Don't you see? Doesn't that make complete sense?

Yeah, I don't get it either. I don't get the whole "Thank God for dead soldiers" either. So, our boys in the military are dead...and it's all because we're not locking people for being gay? I mean, last I checked, this country isn't exactly the most open-minded/progressive when it comes to sexual orientation.

OH MAN!!! Imagine the oil spill we'd get if DID legalize gay marriage! I bet God would make it RAIN oil. Hmm...maybe we should do it just to solve this pesky energy crisis. But I digress...

So I'm a closet Lady Gaga fan. Even though I freely admit to liking a wide variety of music, Gaga (when she first came out) was a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. Now that she continues to put out interesting music and music videos (not to mention have wacky-ass fashion sense) I can be a bit more open about my feels for Gaga. She's not a one-hit-wonder but more of a cultural force of nature.

Lady Gaga, however, made one fatal mistake--she doesn't hate the gays. So Fred Phelps and his hate mongers decided to stage a protest at her July 17 St. Louis show. Because I didn't have a job for so long, we couldn't go to the show...but my wife found out about a counter-protest that sounded interesting.

I've never been one to shy away from confrontation, so of course I wanted to go. One thing that really bums me out about the Westboro nuts (or any nuts really) is that they ARE A VERY VOCAL MINORITY. I truly believe that most people are inherently good, and are repulsed by their "God hates Fags" rhetoric. Which is why a counter-protest is actually very important: it lets everyone know (for sure) that there are more decent people in the world.

I contacted my co-author, Mike, who agreed to join us outside the Scotttrade Center to protest the protesters. Early in the afternoon, Mike and I went to Walgreens where his "freedom debit card" purchased four pieces of "free speech poster board." Two neon green. Two neon pink. Then we went over to one of Leah's social work friend's house to make our sign. I initially wanted to just let Leah make my sign...but then I thought about and decided to do the right thing and put my creative mind to good use.

I needed a gimmick, something that would startle people into reading my sign, but at the same time parody the religious idiocy the Phelps crew use to justify their hate. I knew I was wearing my Viking hat to the protest, because Leah said I could (and she never lets me wear it in public). And thus, after a few minutes of thinking...and protest sign was born:

We drove downtown and found the streets choked with people. A Cardinals game and just let out (which the Phelps people also protested, apparently). By the time we got to the arena, we were sure both protests would be well under way. Gaga's fans (dubbed "little monsters") were out in droves.

But where were the Phelps protesters? We actually walked all the way around the arena before finding them. There were, just as I thought, more counter-protesters than Phelps-people. Now here is what pisses me off--leading up to the show there were many stories written online in the local media about the "Planned Westboro Protest." The media are more than happy to give these fuckers a platform to stand on. What is NEVER reported is how few of these people actually show up (unless the event is nearer to Kansas). There were only SIX people holding signs across the street, behind a little police barricade.

Leah's sign was simpler and more to the point.

What was also cool--Mike and I ran into our old friend Colin who was running one of what turned out to be two counter-protests:

Two protests? And only six people on the other side? It was pathetic. It was basically no contest, Westboro was out gunned (there were around 100 on our side). My sign got the reaction I wanted (a few head shakes, many requests for pictures) which made me happy, but the fact that so few people actually showed up to protest a pop-singer made me happier.

Can you even see them?

This man's sign beat mine in the "WTF?" category. But I still won for best headgear.

Here's a video that you HAVE to watch covering the event. We all made "the cut" as it were...and so did my little SCATTERSHOT advertisement (special thanks to Mike for finding this one online):

I was also filmed from afar (with Mike) in this random clip Leah found on YouTube:

Aliens & Politics

You know what the most unrealistic part of STAR TREK is?

Not the transporter. Or the faster-than-light "warp" drive. Hell, not even Shatner's hair (in the later films). No, for me the most unrealistic part of TREK has to do with the politics.

Or rather, the lack thereof.

See, in Sci-fi (TREK is really guilty of this) when humans encounter various alien races, 99.999% of the time that race is "united." By that I mean, when an alien or human is asked where they’re from they say things like "I'm from Earth" or "I'm from Vulcan."

What they don't say is "I'm from the United States, on Earth."

They don't say stuff like that because in the realm of TREK, we've moved past trivial things like "countries." Our planet is unified under a single government. Here on Earth (right now) most people are freaked out by such a proposition. Conservative talk-radio is brimming with wackos who warn of the coming "one world government."

I for one welcome a unified "human" government. I think it would be great to have one centralized planetary government. I also think Communism is a fantastic way to run things, too. If we were all Borg (or Droids) a single, planet-wide government would solve everything.

However, people are corrupt, selfish, and downright evil. So Communism or a Single Government will never work. I mean, just imagine the pork of a one world government!

By "pork" I refer to the practice politicians have where they try to "bring home" government money to help their region--even if they don't really need it. Pork is used to curry favor with the electorate and win elections. It's also used to line their pockets.

Imagine if the representatives in this Planetary government were tasked with THE WORLD'S wealth. Where do you think that money’s going? Here’s a hint: not fucking Africa. Besides, look at Europe and all the problems they're having with the European Union! You think ALL the countries of the world can come together when a FEW can't?

Get real Roddenberry.

I Googled the term "Alien Politics" and this image came up...the Internet is a freaky place kids.

The idea of a single world-wide government is great, but I just don't see it ever working. Well, actually I guess it would work if all but one country was destroyed--but that's madness. And unless they ARE Borg/robots, I can't imagine a race of aliens that would be able to overcome this sort of political splintering either.

Now before you super-Trekkers jump my shit about things like the Klingon Civil War or the strife on Bajor--I realize that modern TREK does have shades of "real world" politics in it. But overall, in general...TREK portrays a Federation of Planets that could not AND WILL not exist. Not because there are no tribbles or impulse engines...but because people are greedy, self-centered, and untrustworthy.

Think I'm being cynical?

Hell, we have towns IN THIS COUNTRY that fight each other over water rights and boundary disputes. States argue too (see: THE CIVIL WAR). The Federal Government and the States don't even get along. Right now Arizona is passing all kinds of crazy fucking laws...

Anyway, I would LOVE for all of humanity to just BE. No boundaries or "opposing teams." I wish like hell there was only one single unit for human beings to belong. I wish people would say "I'm from Earth" and not "I'm from England." People should think bigger than themselves, but we can't and we won't.

It bums me out and ruins a lot of sci-fi for me.

Recently, Stephen Hawking issued a pretty dire warning to people regarding aliens. He basically said we should be afraid of aliens and try like hell to keep them from finding us. He suggests that any alien race capable of reaching us would be so advanced they'd probably consider us ants (and just assume step on us than talk to us).

I respect Professor Hawking (because he's the smartest man alive) but I have to disagree with him to an extent. I think we SHOULD fear aliens, but not because they might be "too smart" to deal with us. No, I think we should fear aliens because of all the stupid political parties/crazy religions they will no doubt be towing our way.

Imagine a space-version of Rush Limbaugh (six heads, four hands, eight eyes--but still no heart). Or how about laser-wielding missionaries for the Church of Zorg? Yikes. I think I'd rather kiss the Xenomorph from Aliens than listen to the Saucer-Men's thoughts/ideas on health care reform (or whatever).

E.T. please, whatever you do…don’t take me to your leader.

Milita!

"I’m so pissed! I’m joining a fucking militia"--Jason A. Wendleton (furious)

I’m pretty sure that the most insidious organization on the face of the Earth is the United States Postal Service. In general, the quality of service in this country is on the decline—but the Postal Service is the undisputed King of disservice. When I first started working I was a clerk at Walgreens. If I ever ignored a customer, argued with a customer, flat-out refused to help a customer…I’d have been fired (like the guy who rode one of those Razor flip-scooters through the Pharmacy Drive-Thru).

People who work at the Post Office seem to not be too worried about their jobs. I’m not sure what they tell these people when they’re hired, but I imagine it’s something along the lines of: “Congratulations! You can’t EVER be fired…go nuts!”

Like retail stores, some Post Offices are worse than others…and sadly the area the Post Office is located does seem to correlate with how crappy you will be treated. Poorer neighborhoods have the worst Post Offices. Growing up in the “digital age,” I had little use for the Post Office…until I moved to St. Louis to attend college. I lived on Campus and soon discovered that there are some things you just can’t email. The Post Office nearest the dorms I lived in was in a pretty crappy part of town. Luckily for me it was manned by some of the most racist people I’ve ever met.

I was ignored. People cut in-front of me (and no one said anything). I was berated once for using the wrong label/Postal envelope combination. There were never any pens in the waiting area—so you couldn’t fill out your stupid postal forms or envelopes. Once a Postal Employee made me sign my debit card before I could pay (I don’t sign my debit card, I write “SEE ID” on the back in red Sharpie, because I want to be carded in case someone ever steals my wallet). Whenever I had my arms full of packages or envelopes, it seemed like all but one window would suddenly close.

This is probably the part of bureaucracy I loath the most—four people behind the counter, eight people waiting in line, and only ONE person with an open window. I hate this at the bank, the DMV, the gas station, and especially the Post Office.

One day I snapped. One day I had enough.

What happened was a perfect storm of crap. I went to the Post Office to mail some paperback books for an online book swapping club that Leah and I use to save money on books. I had a small stack of pre-wrapped paperbacks in my hand. The second I walked in I took a number. The woman behind the counter saw me and sneered. She immediately quit using the number system, probably to discourage me. Soon it was a crazy free-for-all. After three people who arrived after I me had made their way up to the window, I was finally able to approach.

“Can I help you?” she asked in that surly, bitchy way that really says “Fuck off, I don’t want to help you.”

I told her that I wanted to ship my books, and she began to lazily drag the books across her scanning device. Each book was slowly keyed into her system. This whole visit had taken thirty minutes of my time. Not an eternity, but way longer than it should have. But I was feeling okay because I was about to be done. I was about to be free!

And then the moment came to pay.

I was given a total and I took out my debit card and swiped it on the credit machine at the end of the counter.

Nothing happened.

I looked up and the woman behind the counter arched a thickly penciled eyebrow and smirked.

“It’s broken. We can’t do debit or credit right now.”

“Are you serious?”

She nodded.

I sighed, “Ugh. What am I supposed to do? I don’t have any cash.”

“You can go across the street…I think they have an ATM.”

I had waited for over twenty minutes for nothing. Why didn’t they put up a sign? Why didn’t they let people know that they had to use Cash or check only today? I was livid. You know the saying “I was seeing red”? Well I was seeing it…and boy…was it red.

People love to tell me about my “anger problem.” Well you know what? I have a problem—it’s a “people-can’t-help-but piss-me-off” problem if you want to know the truth. I can handle some crazy shit. I know people don’t think that I can, but I can list examples. Like the time someone plowed into my car at work. I was totally cool. I didn’t yell and I wasn’t mad. It was out of my control. It happened, why get upset?

People can cut in front of me in the Post Office. They can sneer at me. They can make me wait 30 minutes to spend $15. They can even tell me (after the fact) that their debit machine is broken. My weakness is that after swallowing so many bites of the world’s shit-sandwich, I spit throw it back up.

I didn’t yell at the woman (though I did let her know I was upset). Instead, I swore right then and there to NEVER go back into that Post Office again (and I haven’t). I also got into my car and called Leah.

“Leah! I’m so pissed! I’m joining a fucking militia,” I spat at her.

Leah was clearly confused as to what I was talking about.

“The Government! They need to be brought down! The Post Office is a fucking joke!”

I truly believe that everyone is super-right wing whenever the chips are down…I mean really down. When the shit hits the fan, we’re not John Kerry.

We’re not even George W. Bush.

We are Dick Cheney. And we are going to bomb your fucking desert. We are going to shoot our hunting buddies head ALL THE WAY OFF.

I never did join that militia, and I never “took down the government,” though someone should probably get around to doing that…if for no other reason—than to close all those worthless Post Offices.