Willie Lobster, Detective: PART 4 "Not Much Happens Because Jason Is Getting Burned Out (the second to last installment)""

Willie Lobster started up at the banana thug. The thug's mouth trickled blood. The blood was red. The redness reminded Lobster that he had a weapon hidden under his divan.

The divan was a ratty-looking piece of furniture that Lobster kept for sentimental reasons. Most of these reasons had to do with his bitches. Lobster had, over the course of his life, had several female dogs...they'd loved the divan. They were gone now (just like poor Daniel) but Lobster kept their memory alive with the divan.

Lobster groaned and rolled towards the tattered divan.

"Hey!" one of the banana thugs shouted.

"Get him!" another shouted.

"Mu mufth!" the one with the bloody mouth said.

Detective Lobster stuck his hand beneath the divan and groped frantically for the weapon he'd stashed underneath--because one never knew when one was going to be attacked inside one's home by a rang of bananas.

"Get back! Stay back!" Lobster said, whipping out his secret stashed weapon. "I don't want to...but I'll use this if I have to."

The banana thugs stopped dead in their tracks.

"An apple?" one said.

"Yo, am I trippin' or is that dude holding an apple?" another asked.

The banana thugs were not seeing things, Detective Lobster was indeed brandishing an apple. He'd thought he'd left a 9mm under the divan, but apparently he'd moved it to another (presumably more secure) location.

Instead, Lobster had found nothing but a moldy apple.

"What?" Lobster said. "This is a fucking gun."

He looked at the grimy apple in his left hand. There was a generous dusting of dog hair and dust bunny remnants upon the apples mushy flesh.

"Ha! Ha! This muthafucka is nuts!" one of the banana's said.

"Grab 'em!" the banana leader said, spitting blood onto the floor.

As the thugs descended upon him, Lobster thrust the nasty apple in their direction. The first thug to reach the desperate detective got a face full of moldy apple mush.

"Gah!" the blinded banana shouted, frantically wiping the offensive gunk off his face.

The blinded thug's flailing smacked the second thug, whose gun went off.

Detective Lobster, who'd grown up in a bad neighborhood, wasn't fazed by the gunshot and jumped to his feet and raced towards his front door.

"Oooooawwww!" the lead banana thug screamed. "Youf -hot me! Youf -hot me inna mouf!"

"Oh man...I am so sorry, man."

The trickle of blood pouring out the lead banana thug's mouth was now a geyser of gushing crimson death. This banana's problems were now bigger than a few popped stitches.

"Dude, we gotta take you to the hospital..."

Lobster, meanwhile was racing out the door and down the steps of his apartment building. As he neared his car, he saw that Savanna Koqteese was sitting behind the wheel. Her face was a mixture of concern and constipation.

"Go! Go! Go!" Lobster shouted as he leaped into the car.

A true lady of action, Koqteese didn't question him--she just got them the hell out of there.

"I heard the gunshot and decided to get the engine warm for you," she told him after they'd gone a few blocks.

"You're one helluva woman, Koqteese," he said.

"Where are we going?"

"Shady Street, to see DeJesus's cousin, DeMoses," Lobster told her. "I'm getting to the bottom of this mess..."

"Fine," she said. "Could you do me one favor?"

"Anything, sweetheart."

"Put on your seatbelt."

Lobster, who was never a fan of mandatory safety devices, reluctantly reached back and grabbed his seatbelt.

"These bananas are driving me nuts," Lobster said gravely.

"Did you get your glasses?" Koqteese asked.

A thousand thoughts had been racing though Lobster's razor-sharp mind. Where was his 9mm? Who were these bananas? Why were they trying to kill him? Was Koqteese really a cock tease? Were DeJesus and DeMoses Catholics?

He was thinking about everything...everything but his glasses.

"Damn it," he grumbled.

"What?"

"We gotta go back," Lobster told her. "I forgot to get them."

SCATTERSHOT READERS YOU CHOOSE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:

DOES KOQTEESE DRIVE THEM BACK TO LOBSTERS APARTMENT?

OR

DOES A CARLOAD OF CLOWNS EXPLODE NEARBY, MAKING BOTH OF THEM FORGET ALL ABOUT LOBSTER'S GLASSES?