Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts

Friday, July 30, 2010

Word Addiction: A Brief History of My One True Love

Even if she wasn’t a huge reader herself, my mother knew the importance of making me fall in love with books. At an early age I was given a handful of little plastic-bound tomes to sift through so that I might learn the building blocks of what would eventually become my first real addiction. Had the doctors allowed such a thing, she might have brought some into the delivery room and put them in my tiny, placenta-covered hands to jumpstart the process. But, as was her fashion, she stuck to the rules and waited until we got home.



By the time I was in kindergarten, I knew the alphabet, and thus was bored to death as my teacher, Mrs. Young, showed videotapes of little cartoon consonants and vowels acting as though they were people. Instead of watching to figure out how a group of sans-serif individuals could befriend one another to make simple words, I resorted to looking out windows and staring at walls, wishing that I were at home.



That next year, during a parent-teacher conference, my teacher refused to believe that I could read a storybook deemed beyond what a first-grader was able to do. My parents disagreed, and so in a battle of wills, it was agreed upon that I would be forced to read the book in class. Aloud. In front of everyone. All in all, the book was pretty easy. It had to do with a star or a baby lion or something along those lines. Nothing beyond Charlotte’s Web or anything by Judith Viorst or even a James Patterson novel, for that matter. Still, I got up in front of my class and got about five pages in, a little more than halfway through the book, when my teacher told me that that was enough. “That’s all we have time for today,” she said, sending me back to my seat.



Throughout the rest of my grade school years I took an insane pleasure from copying down words and learning to spell, and on our visits to the school library my friends would find me salivating like a dog waiting on the promise of a treat. Every few months when my teachers would hand out the leaflets for a new Scholastic Book Fair, I would treasure it, worrying the edges with my fingers and taking in each title’s little synopsis with what amounted, back then, to ecstasy.



It wasn’t until middle school that I began to learn the joys of writing myself. Before then, my knowledge of composition had been limited to basic school reports, which were cookie-cut and had all the flexibility of a back brace. My first attempts at writing for fun were transcriptions of video games I’d played, scribbled in pencil in my school notebooks. Then came fantasies about spaceships from television shows like Star Trek scouring the galaxy for adventure. No one saw these. Not even my mother, who tried peering over my shoulder to see what I was up to, sitting at my desk, my back to my bedroom door, hunched over with one hand hidden and working furiously at something. Looking back, I suppose the concern she displayed might have been at the mistaken notion that I, at twelve years old, had prematurely discovered the fun that is masturbation.



From my space-bound adventures, I transitioned into more humorous fare. Namely, a collection of stories that concerned my friend and classmate Tiffany, who would make me laugh with her made-up recollections about living in a Mexican hut with a feline named HeyCat. The stories came out in a frenzy of excitement that was ushered in when I showed the first one to my language arts teacher, Mrs. Althoff, who would sit at her desk and read them, laughing occasionally against the hush of the classroom. The sound of her laughing was like a drug, and so I set out like a junkie looking for my fix.



At this time, books too became more adventurous, as I reached beyond the children’s fare of Judy Blume and Louis Sachar and into the deeper waters of Lowis Lowry and Rodman Philbrick, both of whom demonstrated a fascinating ability to achieve in me an emotional reaction. I read my first Stephen King novel my last year of eighth grade.



Throughout the rest of middle school and into high school, writing became more than just a hobby. I felt as though I had been called to write, and I took the mantle of doing so with all the seriousness and gravitas capable of a slightly overweight teenage boy into writing stories about talking Mexican cats and intergalactic spaceships. Stories stretched and reached for things which they had never attempted before. Characters grew larger as explosions diminished; humor took a backseat to my crazy, wild-eyed attempts at lassoing the same emotional power that I could see authors wielding in their works.



College brought on courses in creative writing, which introduced me to people who had the same desires as me. It felt refreshing to be in a room full of people who I imagined got the same thrill out of crating a well-worded sentence as me, even if in reality few of them actually enjoyed writing as much as they enjoyed having one less elective course to add to next semester’s schedule.



When I came into a class called Practical Criticism — a course dedicated to the routine dissection of stories, as if they were frogs — I first met Jason Wendleton, the coauthor of this blog. By the end of the semester we had struck up a friendship, one that I’m 98.6 percent certain remains to this day. Part of the draw was the mutual attraction to the limitless possibilities of writing. The magic of creation. The power of good prose. And, of course, our strong aversion to looking for real jobs.



After college was finished for Jason and myself — he with his genuine UM-St. Louis English degree and me with my still-in-progress dual major in Laziness and Procrastination — we started talking about our mutual desire to start putting our works out into the world. Seeing as neither of us had any major publications aside from some of Jason’s columns for The Current, the college newspaper, and a short story I’m managed to weasel into the UM-St. Louis LitMag, we decided to start a blog: this very one.



It is hard to believe how quickly time can pass. As most people do, I think the process gets quicker each year. It was approximately 365 days ago that Jason and I founded this little blog, this scattershot collection of random trinkets and pieces of work that remind us (or remind me, anyway) of why it is that writing draws us in like it does. It takes me beyond the ordinary, and it fills in the little gaps in life with things that I would never hope to accomplish. Through writing, both my own and others’, I have seen this world and more, lived years in other people’s lives.



My crazes for caffeine, candy, and fast food have all come and gone with relative ease, but the one thing that always draws me back, even when I try my hardest to ignore it, is the written word. When I sit down to write, I am reminded of the sheer power of imagination, and the everyday magic of creation. That, and it gives me the hope that, one day, I won’t have to have a real job.






Happy birthday, Scattershot.

Friday, May 21, 2010

My One Wikipedia Article

I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but sometime around junior college my knowledge of rock music eclipsed everything else. Growing up I listened to classic radio and watched 80's-era MTV because that's what my parents were into.

My Uncle David was another influence, as he's pretty much always been into music (especially the weird, lesser-know variety). My Uncle bought my parents their first CD player, back when they were as big as VHS players. We only owned 2 CD's initially--"A Decade of Steely Dan" and "Revolver." I love both those records (excuse me, CD's) to this day.

In High School I got into blues music via Cream/Eric Clapton. My Mom and I used to listen to a radio program called "The Friday Night Fish-Fry" which was all classic rhythm and blues music. Music and reading were pretty much neck and neck in my life as "the most important thing," but that changed once I started going to shitty music clubs to see indie rock bands.

Anyway, I both pity and envy the kids of today. The music business/record industry/radio have undergone a dramatic change. The classic rock station I grew up listening to in KC is off the air...and most kids don't own CD's anymore. On the other hand, it's easier than ever to find killer music online.

I like two websites above all others when it comes to trolling for new artists: Allmusic.com and Wikipedia. Allmusic is a blog that features TONS of artist bios and album reviews. I use it to really dig into a band or artist's back-catalog. But sometimes I want a little more than Allmusic can offer, so I dig around on Wikipedia.

Sphere-puzzles are a bitch to put together...

Everyone knows that Wikipedia is THE ultimate encyclopedia written for the people BY the people. Many don't trust it, but for a guy like me it's perfect (I mean, if I'm looking up Pink Floyd singles do I care who wrote the info? It's not like I'm performing heart surgery with this info). Wikipedia even notes on their website that when it comes to matters of "pop culture" Wikipedia's "good" (the reason being that's all 99.999% of us specialize in anymore).

However, sometimes I there are gaps.

For example, a totally awesome power-pop band from the 1990's called Jellyfish. I'm pretty confident that, unless you last name is "Wendleton" and you're reading this--you've never heard of them.

But. Jellyfish. Is. Amazing.

So back in May of 2006, when the band's greatest hits CD came out, I bought it (sure, I own the band's only two albums, but there's a couple of cool unreleased/live tracks on there I wanted). I was messing around on Wikipedia and saw that the CD was listed in the band's discography...but sadly there was no article ON the album itself.

Instead of saying "that's too bad," I read the Wikipedia tutorial/rules and WROTE the article myself. This is the approach I take to my fiction writing too, by the way. I think up a story, and if I can't read it elsewhere, I write it. It's a good way of doing things.

So I wrote the entry. Kind of a strange world we live in when the encyclopedias are all dead...and guy's like me are writing free, informative articles online.

It's not a big deal (or very long, I could only write what I knew and could prove) but here is my one and only Wikipedia article.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Poems You'll Never Read in English Class, Part 1

After Jason’s post last week about poetry, I started thinking about poems and how, many years ago, I tried writing some. This lasted about as long as my flirtations with jogging or dieting, and the results were equally disastrous. Over the years, I’ve gone back to dabble in poems, and these are just a few that serve as lessons as to why my hands should be chopped off and I should never be allowed to write again.




1.



Scraping himself against backyard grass



our new young puppy does wipe his ass.



And though sometimes it gives me the squirms,



it’s much preferred over seeing his worms.




2.



HALLOWEEN



At eight years old I just wanted candy



And in my costume I looked quite dandy,



But at the neighbor’s house just down the street,



Waiting for a witch’s free tasty treat,



I opened my bag to receive her gift



But instead got dinner mints, petty thrift.



So, surprised, I turned away from the witch



And, walking home, called her a cheap old bitch.




3.



My father told me to bring him a bucket,



And when I did, he took out the mop.



He wet the head, but decided to stop,



And, leaving the kitchen, said “Fuck it.”

Friday, October 2, 2009

Crappy Poetry Makes Me Cry “Grape-flavored Teardrops”

When it came time to pick a major there was really only two choices for me—English or History. So I did the sensible thing and chose History (on the basis that I couldn't make any money with an English degree!). I ended up going back to English after just one semester as a History major.

My reason for switching?

I didn't have to read or write as much as an English major (and yes, I’m perfectly aware of the irony in that statement). What people don’t realize is that History majors read a TON of books and write a TON of papers. In the one semester that I was a History major I was expected to write twice the amount of papers that I did my second year as an English major.

But it wasn't just laziness that brought me back—I had a few encouraging teachers that told me I should make the switch, and I missed reading novels for homework.

However, there was one thing that discouraged me from coming back to the English department.

Poetry.

I know this is going to sound really bad, but I hate poetry. At least, I hate the academic definition of poetry. Which by the way, what is that again?

One of the pitfalls of poetry is that just about anything COULD be poetry. It really just depends on how liberal your instructor is.

Poetry (as defined by Wikipedia): is a form of literary art in which language is used for its aesthetic and evocative qualities in addition to, or in lieu of, its apparent meaning. Which basically means “pretty words chosen because they sound good, look good on paper, and will make the writer appear smart.”

Bonus points if the reader has no FUCKING CLUE what the exact message the author is trying to convey.


If it were a sport, Poetry would be Cricket. It’s needlessly complicated and aristocratic at its worse—and childish and unintelligent at its best.

I always catch hell for this belief, and I can understand that…most people have poetry shoved so far down their throats that they have it coming out their rectum. But the truth of the matter is, an appreciation for poetry is like an appreciation for cod liver oil. And just like cod liver oil, we ingest poetry because we’re told its “good for us.”

Prose is a superior medium to enlighten and convey ideas. Prose can be “poetic” in nature, but rarely is it as obtuse and maddening as 99.999% of the poetry I was forced to read. I’ve read books and novels with footnotes…but some of the poetry that I was forced to read in college required footnotes that often HAD footnotes.

I’m not even joking.

And don’t get me started on the poems whose footnotes were LONGER THAN THE ACTUAL POEM. When you’re in school, and you’re dealing with this strange/difficult to understand dribble…you often feel quite stupid. Poetry is often like a foreign language—you recognize some of the words, but the meaning is obscured behind fancy layer after layer of dual meaning and double entendre.

Now, just because something makes you feel stupid doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s bad (after all, you may just be stupid, right?). But if there’s one thing that Creative Writing classes have taught me (and Creative Writing has taught me more than just one thing) it’s that sometimes/most times NOT EVEN THE POET KNOWS WHAT THE HELL HIS/HER POEM IS ABOUT.

You have no idea how many times I’d sit there and listen to someone say they didn’t know what their poem was about. Of course, the rest of the class (and the teacher) had opinions about this. They’d claim to “know” what the poem was about. And the author would nod and agree. And just like that, the meaning of the poem was “decided.”

I often wonder how many of the “great” works in the poetry canon have been treated in just this manner. Picture it: some 17th century dude, drunk off his ass on Absinthe is just trying to get laid. So he writes a sloppy, drunken love letter to a courtesan he knows. She of course is a typical woman, and saves EVERYTHING. The letter gets passed down through the years AND BOOM! I’m stuck in British Lit II trying to figure out what the hell it all means.

Just because a guy was drunk and horny—he didn’t have any aim other than getting past a few chastity belts.

And yet I have to pay for his lechery.

No other literary medium can say that MORE PEOPLE ENJOY WRITING IT THAN READING IT. But it’s true. After all, how often do you sit down and read poetry? Exactly. Poetry was a fad that’s come and gone. If you stop and think about it, poetry is a lot like the messages on Twitter. Short and concise, the “Tweets” are mostly written by drunk guys trying to get laid.

Just like poetry.

Alright, time to retract some of that hate (after all I was an English major). There are some great poems, and some pretty good poets…but for the most part, I hated studying poetry. I hated feeling my eyes glaze over after the 150th line of free verse.

But I’ve saved the worse for last—when I was younger I too dabbled in the dark art of poetry. This is a shameful part of my literary career, one that I’m going to bravely share with you in the hopes of preventing such tragedy from every occurring again.

Bad poetry is all too common. Please, don’t judge me too harshly…

Grape-Flavored Teardrops
A poem by Jason Wendleton (age 17)
It’s so cool and pure,
It’s so sweet
It can be so very, very sweet.
With a spring in the step
And the shuffle in your feet.
The smile on your face says
It all: Life can be so sweet.
As you flock to the sunshine
Wave to the people that you meet.
‘Cos like a grapeflavored teardrop,
Life is both sad and sweet.
Sad and sweet,
Get to know them both.
Sad and sweet,
Life’s both so sad—and sweet.
It’s so sweet.

Yikes. See what I mean? Poetry sucks.

BONUS: