Guns N' Dinos

The other day, Leah and I were talking about how little boys like guns. She was talking to me about some people who were very strict with their children's media consumption (i.e. no violent TV or film) and how one day they were shocked to see their boys running around pretending that something (innocuous) was a gun.

I'm not what you would call a "gun person," and yet I too exhibited some of this behavior growing up. And so did all my friends. We'd pick up sticks and run around going "bang! bang!" I'm not a pussy or anything, but I'd never shoot a person (or an animal for that matter). Still, I like playing violent "shooting" video games. Why is that?

Comedian/Philosopher had a theory about this. He contended that bullets and guns are phallic, and that war is really just a form of penis envy. Carlin believed that the arms race was really just to see whose "missile" was bigger.

Maybe Carlin had a point.

Regardless, as a child guns WERE fascinating. Another thing that little boys all (usually) tend to like is dinosaurs. Unlike guns, I still love dinosaurs today. Dinosaurs are great because they're these huge, alien monsters. Monsters that REALLY existed. Growing up I had all sorts of dinosaur toys and books. In fact, the book that really pulled me into reading was JURASSIC PARK.

So naturally, with an affinity for both guns and dinosaurs--I was fucking bananas for DINO-RIDERS. Before I explain what DINO-RIDERS was, I want you to look at this picture:

Drink it in. I mean really look at it:

Isn't that bat-shit crazy?

DINO-RIDERS was a toy commercial disguised as a cartoon show for kids. There were only 14 episodes, which aired in 1988 (I was 5, the perfect age for guns-blazing-dinosaur-action!). I remember nothing of the TV show except that the first time I saw it, I thought HE-MAN had landed on Dinosaur Island (see, kids aren't THAT easily fooled). Of course, I do remember the toys much better. I distinctly recall owning a nasty-looking T-REX armed with those little tiny hands...and a missile launcher. I also had a Diplodocus that was armed to the teeth--it had this strange trailer-thingy on it's back that was full of bombs.

Of course, the Diplodocus was basically a giant cow, not very scary on it's own...but with $1,000,000,000 worth of futuristic military hardware? Well, let's just say, I wouldn't mess with it for all the tea in China. I mean just look at this thing:

You can't tell me something isn't about to die.

I realize that not all boys like guns and dinos, but if I had a kid and he/she pretended that a twig was a .44 Magnum...or that a rock was a Diplodocus-tank--we'll I wouldn't worry. At least, I wouldn't worry TOO much.

I mean, it's just a natural part of growing-up, right?