(Orange) Tic Tacs

I have an obsession with Tic Tacs. This is something that my wife simply cannot understand.

I eat orange flavored Tic Tacs like they’re candy—because they are candy. Don’t let the label fool you, Tic Tacs (at least, the fruit flavored ones) are not mints. A mint is extremely strong and is used to cover up the fact that you don’t brush as often as the dentist tells you to. Using an orange Tic Tac to mask the sink of garlic would be like using a pellet gun on a Rhinoceros.

You can try it, but I guarantee you that it won’t work.



And who are these Tic Tac people, anyway? What are they thinking creating mints that are fruit flavored? The quintessential mint flavor is “mint.” There’s peppermint and spearmint, that’s all the variety the world needs when it comes to mints. Altoids has made a pretty good case for cinnamon—and depending on my mood I’ll go along with that…but orange?

No sir, not a mint.

Orange (or any of the other assorted fruit flavors) Tic Tacs are not mints. And now that I think about it, even the non-fruit flavored Tic Tacs are pretty weak. You know what? Tic Tacs are horrible mints.

They’re too small.

Do they honestly think that it’s possible to cover up any variety of food-related dragon breath with just one tiny little “mint”?

I think the Tic Tac Corporation is kidding itself. And you are too if you think a mico-pellet-sized mint can do anything to mask that awful smell emanating from your mouth

But I will give them this: Orange Tic Tacs are GOOD tasting candy.

When I was a kid, my Dad would go to the grocery store and when he got home, he’d give me and my sister Amber a little packet of Orange Tic Tacs.

And you know what? Before he had the car canned goods put away we’d both have all those suckers eaten. I’m not only known for downing whole packs of Orange Tic Tacs IN ONE SITTING, I’m NOTORIOUS.

Do other people do this? Or am I just a pig?

I can’t say. It’s pretty embarrassing, now that I think about it.

And while we’re on the subject of things that are candy THAT EVERYONE PRETENDS ISN’T CANDY—let’s talk about Luden’s “Cough Drops.” I used to love it when I’d get a sore throat and my parents would give them to me. For those of you unlucky enough to have never had these supposed “throat lozenges,” they’re a delightful cherry-flavor.



Pretty much the poplar opposite of a Halls cough drop (which are nasty and should be banned by the UN as cruel and unusual), Luden’s are so good, that often I would continue to fake a sore throat just so I could keep eating them.

Of course, the box has some nonsense on it about helping with sore throats…but Luden’s are candy. Plain and simple. And yet, it’s actually classified as a medicine! If that’s not genius marketing, I don’t know what is.

So what have we learned today? Orange isn't mint. Tic Tacs are too small to be effective. And I'm a pig.