Dear Creepy-Ass Personal Trainer at My Gym,
Hi. Wow, this is awkward.
Okay, so I get it that you're in better shape than I am. I really, really, really get it. Your size XXS T-shirt looks fantastic (wow your nipples are big). You have a very square, tough-guy jaw. I guess, if I wasn't such a lazy bastard, and if I didn't like food so much...I'd want to be just like you.
BUT--I kinda want you to leave me the fuck alone.
I know, I know...I get a free session once a month. I realize that I'm paying for this service, but I want you to stay the hell away from me "bro." See, I got two rules: I don't trust people that are taller than me AND I don't trust people who have necks wider than their heads.
When you came up to me, while I was on the elliptical and started talking to me about my shorts...yeah, that freaked me the fuck out. I kinda wanted to punch you and then run away.
So, no. I don't want my free session this month or next month. That whole "don't call me, I'll call you" thing? Yeah. Just keep waiting for that call bro.
Sincerely,
Jason
1 comment:
I, too, would be a little caught off guard by someone coming up to me and striking up a conversation about my shorts. That's why I don't go to the gym... Well, that and because I'm too cheap/lazy.
Nice post!
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