Okay. How do I put this? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings…but your attempts to steal my credit card information are laughable. I’m going to use small words from here on out because I know you probably don’t normally read or write English (and I want you to understand).
Didn’t think I could tell, huh?
Well don’t feel too bad, I mean you DID say you were from the Kingdom of Gavanna in your email. But here, in the United States, we don’t start anything resembling a conversation or letter by saying “excuse me pardons.” I would try something like “Hello, I’d like some of your money” or “Jack-off, just give me your bank account number” (because I know you probably already have my Social Security number, since THAT’S plastered all over town on job applications…most of which just end up in the trash).
Another thing that might help you ensnare gullible people: use a few capital letters. I mean, would it kill ya? Just extend your pinkie finger (or other slimy appendage) and press firmly down on the “shift” key…then type a letter. See! See what just happened there? You made that “a” an “A.”
Neat, huh?
Compare these two things: “king of gavanna” and “King of Gavanna.”
Know which one I’m giving my banking information to? That’s right the King of Gvanna (the one with the caps! It looks more official ‘n stuff!). You’d be amazed at how a little thing like that will help you scam people.
Sincerely,
Your Phish-ee
"Special Shout-out" to the idiot that sent me this text message (hey idiot, Visa doesn't send text messages...but if they did, they'd use CAPS!!!):
"In Soviet Russia, text-message sends you!"
6 comments:
Indeed, Dr. Jason, I find that I have a higher percentile of successful scammage when I employ your "shift key" approach. You should consider teaching a course on the art of scamming...
I find the best way to appear genuine is to imitate the "real thing." All these scam-artists have to do is look at A REAL letter from Visa (or whatever) and make theirs look more like that. Oh, and have one (or two) people look over their work before submitting it (something I always do).
Wow. The irony is just too delicious here (see above SPAM-post). Mike, you wanna take this one?
*Switches on "comment moderator"*
Phew. It's a GOOD THING you turned that on, Jason. It seems this little old blog is getting some MAJOR TRAFFIC these days. It must be the intensity of the hilariousness contained within these webpages. Before you know it there will be some BIG-NAME PUBLISHING EXECUTIVES asking about first-time North American publication rights! And if we've got all these FOREIGN PHISHERS looking to promote their knockoff Rohypnol and genital-enlargement surgeries, they're sure to say, "Thanks, but NO THANKS!" Ha! Ha! Ha! So maybe our READERS can help drown out the SPAM by POSTING as MANY genuine COMMENTS as POSSIBLE!
We have to crack down on these people. All one of them...
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