Dear Creepy-Ass Personal Trainer at My Gym,
Hi. Wow, this is awkward.
Okay, so I get it that you're in better shape than I am. I really, really, really get it. Your size XXS T-shirt looks fantastic (wow your nipples are big). You have a very square, tough-guy jaw. I guess, if I wasn't such a lazy bastard, and if I didn't like food so much...I'd want to be just like you.
BUT--I kinda want you to leave me the fuck alone.
I know, I know...I get a free session once a month. I realize that I'm paying for this service, but I want you to stay the hell away from me "bro." See, I got two rules: I don't trust people that are taller than me AND I don't trust people who have necks wider than their heads.
When you came up to me, while I was on the elliptical and started talking to me about my shorts...yeah, that freaked me the fuck out. I kinda wanted to punch you and then run away.
So, no. I don't want my free session this month or next month. That whole "don't call me, I'll call you" thing? Yeah. Just keep waiting for that call bro.
Sincerely,
Jason
I, too, would be a little caught off guard by someone coming up to me and striking up a conversation about my shorts. That's why I don't go to the gym... Well, that and because I'm too cheap/lazy.
ReplyDeleteNice post!